Common Courtesy: Part 2

Just to recap my last post (considering that's what TV shows do when they have a new episode or when something that was "to be continued..." in now being continued) to get you up to speed: Bored, Jeopardy!, yelling, cops, neighbors hate us. Got it? Good.

So Wayne threw out the idea that our neighbor hates us and I couldn't help but to agree after he clearly called the cops on us. Now, in all fairness, I'm not 100% positive that our next door neighbor is the person who called the cops on us. For all I know, it could have been someone further down the hall. I ruled that option out in the beginning because they're down the hall. They couldn't hear me better than my next door neighbor. Could they? I don't know but it seems unlikely. I guess if I wanted to know that badly I could knock on their doors and ask them but then they'd think I was trying to come after them and kill them or something. After all, they called the cops on me to say that I was causing a domestic dispute. So who knows?

Anyway, Wayne's accusation made me think of the reasons why our neighbor must hate us. It made me think of the first day we moved into that apartment. Danielle and I were moving from our first apartment into our current apartment because Wayne was moving in with us and we needed a bigger apartment. We were moving from a one bedroom on one floor in the building to a two bedroom and a den on another floor in the building. Danielle and I were moving until late into the night so that we could be out of the old apartment by midnight to avoid having to pay for additional day in the old apartment. It was nearing midnight when Danielle and I were bringing in the last load of stuff. We were carrying in something heavy and we stopped outside of the apartment door to rest for a second.

Suddenly, our next door neighbor's door opened. He only poked his head out as his chain lock was preventing the door from opening all the way. He acted like he was in fear for his life. I was more scared than he was, that's for certain. This guy just abruptly opened his door and stared at us. I was like uuuuh hi! He asked if we needed any help. I don't know why he would ask that when he clearly was not going to come out and help us with anything. Maybe he was just being polite. But then, what would he have done if we said "yes, could you come grab this for us" or something like that? He would've come up with some excuse to bail I'm sure.

Danielle apologized and said we're just moving in and we're almost done. She said that she hoped we didn't wake him. He said we didn't wake him and he was just seeing if we needed help. I still am looking at this guy like "you're clearly just being nosey." So he bids us good night and tells us if we need anything to let him know. I cut him a little slack because, I thought, maybe he is being a good neighbor after all. But, again, who knows?

The next day (which was a Saturday morning), we needed pliers so I sent Danielle next door to ask our extremely helpful neighbor for a pair. It was almost noon I would say. Danielle said no one answered. I was thinking to myself, who the hell isn't home at noon on a Saturday morning? What could he possibly been out doing on a Saturday morning? Now, I realize that normal people try to be productive on the weekends because their week is usual consumed by a nine to five job. At the time, I totally added this to the tally of reasons that it was apparent that he hated us.

A part from that, I'm generally a loud person. Anyone who knows me could tell you that, I'm sure. I like to test my boundaries so I will scream and be loud in my apartment just to see how loud I can be without disturbing people in the surrounding apartments. In retrospect, this is a terrible idea haha. Whatever, what's done is done. Since we moved-in in February, I haven't received a single complaint about my volume. Thus, I figured I was good. I had tested my boundaries and I set my boundaries based on the lack of complaints. Well this Jeopardy! incident made me realize that I may have laid down the straw that broke the camel’s back. Oops.

I've been thinking, since the cops came knocking at my door after being called to a potential domestic dispute, that I have neglected my responsibilities as a neighbor and a member of a community. This brought me back to my Resident Assistant (RA) days in college. As a RA, I had to establish a foundation of respect and common ground for my living area in order to produce a welcoming and fun community. If I had a resident who was being too loud all the time, I would have laid the smack down on them and it would not have been pretty. However, I would have confronted the annoying resident like an adult and explain to them that they were being disruptive and they need to be courtesy and conscious of their neighbors and fellow community members. After all, it's their responsibility to have self-control and consider the welfare of their peers when doing things that impact them in some way, shape or form.

That's why I was annoyed with the fact that the cops were called. We clearly weren't having a domestic dispute, at least not in the sense it was made out to be. I just expected my neighbor to confront me like an adult and let me know they have a problem with my noise level. That's all. I feel disrespected. However, I bet whoever called the cops felt disrespected by my lack of concern for their welfare. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel bad at all but I do understand the issue from all sides. I definitely am going to be more conscious of my neighbors and do what the cops said, "keep it down."

Based on this experience, I must share the rules of common courtesy with you. If you follow these simple tips, you are sure to establish and maintain a copacetic relationship with your neighbors. The tips are as follows:

1. Don't be a stranger
• If you want to establish a relationship with your neighbor(s), introduce yourself to them. After all, you will be living right next to them and most likely run into them from time to time.
2. Courtesy Hours
• This is something I picked up from my time as a RA. Courtesy Hours were established to compliment Quiet Hours (a period of time during which you need to be quiet, typically 11pm-7am on school nights, and 1am-9am on the weekends). Courtesy Hours enforce the act of respecting your neighbors through consideration of their right to live comfortably. For example, regardless of the time of day, don't play your music so loudly that it is vibrating your neighbor's walls and they can hear it clear as day because maybe they work the night shift and sleep during the late morning and early afternoon.
3. Hold yourself accountable
• As an adult, you should be mature enough and know yourself well-enough to understand when you are doing something that could be bothering other people and know the difference between right and wrong. Own up to your faults and make a conscious effort to improve upon those faults. If confronted by a neighbor don't take the defensive automatically. Keep an open mind and try to put yourself in your neighbor's shoes.
4. Hold your neighbors accountable
• As much as it may be challenging to hold people to the same standards you hold yourself to, you always want to treat people the way they want to be treated. If you would prefer your neighbors to confront you with an issue rather than calling the cops, you should provide them with the same common courtesy in return.
5. Respect your community
• Regardless of each resident's personal preferences, you need to contribute what you expect to get from your community. If you want a peaceful, fun, and interactive community, be peaceful, fun, and interactive. Just make sure to respect those who may not want the same thing out the community. Not everyone will want to be bothered by their neighbors and could not care less about meeting their neighbors or developing any type of relationship with their neighbors. Also, don't disrespect the community with liter, graffiti, or any other annoyances. No one wants to live in a dump. Dispose of your trash appropriately, clean up after yourself in common areas, and don't disrupt other people's private areas (please keep your minds out of the gutter).

Some of those tips may seem like redundant reiterations of each other but they are important enough to address individually and equally. Remember these tips when joining a new community and in the community you already live in. Life is so much easier when things are easygoing.

Remember to fulfill your responsibilities as a neighbor and a member of a community and you'll be sure to avoid a run in with the law.

Lesson learned.

Sincerely,

J.A.B.